Trust thyself.

I’m not surprised that you don’t have friends.

I’m not surprised that you spend your weekends with yourself, reading books, taking long walks with your playlist for company or simply working. I’m not surprised you don’t get invited to parties that involve loud music, selfie sticks and predictable truth and dare games.

don’t get me wrong, but i just don’t think most people, specially ones your age, would be able to keep up with you. i don’t think they’ll be able to catch your vibe, or match toe to toe your waltzing mind that jumps from one thought to another in the blink of an eye.

because you… you have this abnormal focus towards your passion, an obsessive tunnel vision for things that stir your soul. it’s because you know exactly who you are and you wear your heart on your sleeve.. and your thoughts at the tip of your tongue. you’re not afraid to fuck social norms and defy anything that questions your principles.it’s because you know you don’t need other people to validate your worth or make you feel loved and whole. you don’t fear isolation. you welcome it with open arms, because there’s nothing more powerful in this world than to be alone with yourself and be at peace. … and all this

makes people uncomfortable.

scares them a little.

I’m not surprised that you don’t have friends.

Much ado about nothing.

1.Practice Misfortune

“It is in times of security that the spirit should be preparing itself for difficult times; while fortune is bestowing favors on it is then is the time for it to be strengthened against her rebuffs.” -Seneca

Seneca, who enjoyed great wealth as the adviser of Nero, suggested that we ought to set aside a certain number of days each month to practice poverty. Take a little food, wear your worst clothes, get away from the comfort of your home and bed. Put yourself face to face with want, he said, you’ll ask yourself “Is this what I used to dread?”

It’s important to remember that this is an exercise and not a rhetorical device. He doesn’t mean “think about” misfortune, he means live it. Comfort is the worst kind of slavery because you’re always afraid that something or someone will take it away. But if you can not just anticipate but practice misfortune, then chance loses its ability to disrupt your life.

Montaigne was fond of an ancient drinking game where the members took turns holding up a painting of a corpse inside a coffin and cheered “Drink and be merry for when you’re dead you will look like this.”

Emotions like anxiety and fear have their roots in uncertainty and rarely in experience. Anyone who has made a big bet on themselves knows how much energy both states can consume. The solution is to do something about that ignorance. Make yourself familiar with the things, the worst-case scenarios, that you’re afraid of.

Practice what you fear, whether a simulation in your mind or in real life. The downside is almost always reversible or transient.

2.Train Perception to Avoid Good and Bad

“Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.” -Marcus Aurelius

The Stoics had an exercise called Turning the Obstacle Upside Down. What they meant to do was make it impossible to not practice the art of philosophy. Because if you can properly turn a problem upside down, every “bad” becomes a new source of good.

Suppose for a second that you are trying to help someone and they respond by being surly or unwilling to cooperate. Instead of making your life more difficult, the exercise says, they’re actually directing you towards new virtues; for example, patience or understanding. Or, the death of someone close to you; a chance to show fortitude.

Marcus Aurelius described it like this:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

It should sound familiar because it is the same thinking behind Obama’s “teachable moments.” Right before the election, Joe Klein asked Obama how he’d made his decision to respond to the Reverend Wright scandal. He said something like ‘when the story broke I realized the best thing to do wasn’t damage control, it was to speak to Americans like adults.’ And what he ended up doing was turning a negative situation into the perfect platform for his landmark speech about race.

The common refrain about entrepreneurs is that they take advantage of, even create, opportunities. To the Stoic, everything is opportunity. The Reverend Wright scandal, a frustrating case where your help goes unappreciated, the death of a loved one, none of those are “opportunities” in the normal sense of the word. In fact, they are the opposite. They are obstacles. What a Stoic does is turn every obstacle into an opportunity.

There is no good or bad to the practicing Stoic. There is only perception. You control perception. You can choose to extrapolate past your first impression (‘X happened.’ –> ‘X happened and now my life is over.’). If you tie your first response to dispassion, you’ll find that everything is simply an opportunity.

Note: This exercise served as the inspiration behind The Obstacle Is The Way.

3.Remember—It’s All Ephemeral

“Alexander the Great and his mule driver both died and the same thing happened to both.” -Marcus Aurelius

Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself a simple and effective reminder to help him regain perspective and stay balanced:

“Run down the list of those who felt intense anger at something: the most famous, the most unfortunate, the most hated, the most whatever: Where is all that now? Smoke, dust, legend…or not even a legend. Think of all the examples. And how trivial the things we want so passionately are.”

It is important to note that ‘passion’ here isn’t the modern usage we’re familiar with as in enthusiasm or caring about something. As Don Robertson explains in his book, when the Stoics discuss overcoming ‘passions’, which they called patheiai, they refer to the irrational, unhealthy and excessive desires and emotions. Anger would be a good example. What is important to remember, and this is the crucial bit, they seek to replace them with eupatheiai, such as joy instead of excessive pleasure.

Returning to the point of the exercise, it’s simple: remember how small you are. For that matter, remember how small most everything is.

Remember that achievements can be ephemeral, and that your possession of them is for just an instant.

If everything is ephemeral, what does matter? Right now matters. Being a good person and doing the right thing right now, that’s what matters and that’s what was important to the Stoics.

Take Alexander the Great who conquered the known world and had cities named in his honor. This is common knowledge. The Stoics would also point out that, once while drunk, Alexander got into a fight with his dearest friend, Cleitus, and accidentally killed him. Afterward, he was so despondent that he couldn’t eat or drink for three days. Sophists were called from all over Greece to see what they could do about his grief, to no avail.

Is this the mark of a successful life? From a personal standpoint, it matters little if your name is emblazoned on a map if you lose perspective and hurt those around you.

Learn from Alexander’s mistake. Be humble and honest and aware. That is something you can have every single day of your life. You’ll never have to fear someone taking it from you or, worse still, it taking over you.

4.Take The View From Above

“How beautifully Plato put it. Whenever you want to talk about people, it’s best to take a bird’s- eye view and see everything all at once— of gatherings, armies, farms, weddings and divorces, births and deaths, noisy courtrooms or silent spaces, every foreign people, holidays, memorials, markets— all blended together and arranged in a pairing of opposites.” Marcus Aurelius

Marcus would often practice an exercise that is referred to as “taking the view from above” or “Plato’s view.” It invites us to take a step back, zoom out and see life from a higher vantage point than our own. This exercise—envisioning all the millions and millions of people, all the “armies, farms, weddings and divorces, births and deaths”—prompts us to take perspective and just like the previous exercise, remind us how small we are. It reorients us, and as Stoic scholar Pierre Hadot put it, “The view from above changes our value judgments on things: luxury, power, war…and the worries of everyday life become ridiculous.”

Seeing how small we are in the grand scheme of things is only one portion of this exercise. The second, more subtle point, is to tap into what the Stoics call sympatheia, or a mutual interdependence with the whole of humanity. As the astronaut Edgar Mitchell, one of the first people to actually experience a real ‘view from above’ put it, “In outer space you develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it.” Take a step back from your own concerns and remind yourself of your duty to others. Take Plato’s view.

5. Memento Mori: Meditate On Your Mortality

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. … The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” Seneca

The quote from Seneca above takes part of Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality that goes back to Socrates, who said that the proper practice of philosophy is “about nothing else but dying and being dead.” In his Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote that “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” That was a personal reminder to continue living a life of virtue now, and not wait.

Meditating on your mortality is only depressing if you miss the point. The Stoics find this thought invigorating and humbling. It is not surprising that one of Seneca’s biographies is titled Dying Every Day. After all, it is Seneca who urged us to tell ourselves “You may not wake up tomorrow,” when going to bed and “You may not sleep again,” when waking up as reminders of our mortality. Or as another Stoic, Epictetus, urged his students: “Keep death and exile before your eyes each day, along with everything that seems terrible— by doing so, you’ll never have a base thought nor will you have excessive desire.” Use those reminders and meditate on them daily—let them be the building blocks of living your life to the fullest and not wasting a second.

6. “Is This Within My Control”

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .” Epictetus

The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not. A flight is delayed because of weather— no amount of yelling at an airline representative will end a storm. No amount of wishing will make you taller or shorter or born in a different country. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone like you. And on top of that, time spent hurling yourself at these immovable objects is time not spent on the things we can change.

Return to this question daily—in each and every trying situation. Journal and reflect on it constantly. If you can focus on making clear what parts of your day are within your control and what parts are not, you will not only be happier, you will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.

7. Journal

Epictetus the slave. Marcus Aurelius the emperor. Seneca the power broker and playwright. These three radically different men led radically different lives. But they seemed to have one habit in common: Journaling.

In one form or another, each of them did it. It would be Epictetus who would admonish his students that philosophy was something they should “write down day by day,” that this writing was how they “should exercise themselves.” Seneca’s favorite time to journal was in the evenings. When darkness had fallen and his wife had gone asleep, he explained to a friend, “I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” Then he would go to bed, finding that “the sleep which follows this self-examination” was particularly sweet. And Marcus, he was the most prodigious of journalers, and we are lucky enough that his writings survive to us, appropriately titled, Τὰ εἰς ἑαυτόν, Ta eis heauton, or “to himself.”

in Stoicism the art of journaling is more than some simple diary. This daily practice is the philosophy. Preparing for the day ahead. Reflecting on the day that has passed. Reminding oneself of the wisdom we have learned from our teachers, from our reading, from our own experiences. It’s not enough to simply hear these lessons once, instead, one practices them over and over again, turns them over in their mind, and most importantly, writes them down and feels them flowing through their fingers in doing so.

In this way, journaling is Stoicism. It’s almost impossible to have one without the other.

8. Practice Negative Visualization

The premeditatio malorum (“the pre-meditation of evils”) is a Stoic exercise of imagining things that could go wrong or be taken away from us. It helps us prepare for life’s inevitable setbacks. We don’t always get what is rightfully ours, even if we’ve earned it. Not everything is as clean and straightforward as we think they may be. Psychologically, we must prepare ourselves for this to happen. It is one of the most powerful exercise in the Stoics’ toolkit to build resilience and strength.

Seneca, for instance, would begin by reviewing or rehearsing his plans, say, to take a trip. And then, in his head (or in journaling as we said above), he would go over the things that could go wrong or prevent it from happening—a storm could arise, the captain could fall ill, the ship could be attacked by pirates.

“Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation,” he wrote to a friend. “. . . nor do all things turn out for him as he wished but as he reckoned—and above all he reckoned that something could block his plans.”

By doing this exercise, Seneca was always prepared for disruption and always working that disruption into his plans. He was fitted for defeat or victory.

9. Amor Fati: Love Everything That Happens

The great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche would describe his formula for human greatness as amor fati—a love of fate. “That one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it….but love it.”

The Stoics were not only familiar with this attitude but they embraced it. Two thousand years ago, writing in his own personal journal which would become known as Meditations, Emperor Marcus Aurelius would say: “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.” Another Stoic, Epictetus, who as a crippled slave has faced adversity after adversity, echoed the same: “Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.”

It is why amor fati is the Stoic exercise and mindset that you take on for making the best out of anything that happens: Treating each and every moment—no matter how challenging—as something to be embraced, not avoided. To not only be okay with it, but love it and be better for it. So that like oxygen to a fire, obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential.

Stoicism is Ideal for the Real World

The Stoics were writing honestly, often self-critically, about how they could become better people, be happier, and deal with the problems they faced. You can see how practicing misfortune makes you stronger in the face of adversity; how flipping an obstacle upside down turns problems into opportunities; and how remembering how small you are keeps your ego manageable and in perspective.

Ultimately, that’s what Stoicism is about. It’s not some systematic discussion of why or how the world exists. It is a series of reminders, tips and aids for living a good life.

Stoicism, as Marcus reminds himself, is not some grand Instructor but a balm, a soothing ointment to an injury wherever we might have one. Epictetus was right when he said that “life is hard, brutal, punishing, narrow, and confining, a deadly business.”

We should take whatever help we can get, and it just happens that that help can come from ourselves.

Vincent girl.

Did you know that Van Gogh ate yellow paint because yellow is a bright color and he thought that eating that would make him happy?

Everyone thought he was crazy about eating something so poisonous and toxic.

But if you look at it from a less judicious place you realise that it is like any other.

Many of you drink alcohol not just for taste? Some just want to get drunk, have fun, or forget.

Some smoke weed or get high because like others, it makes them happy.

Why do you think that a girl stays with the boy who cheats on her? Because when he’s not cheating on her, it makes her happy, even if it’s toxic and poisonous.

The reality is that we are all desperate looking for a way to be happy, even if it is not good for us.

And so we go through life looking for our yellow paint …

Kuch bheege alfaaz.

Bht saari batein hai jo shayad type karun toh kabhi mukkammal na ho, ya likhun toh alfaz ke kehne ka intention badal jaye, aur tu samjh na payee. Par to summarize.

be thankful for the food you eat, be thankful for the people you meet, Be thankful for the people you lost,Be thankful for the people who found a way back to you, Be thankful for yesterday, today, and tomorrow, Everything that has happened and is happening and is going to happen holds something good for you, and you have to have complete faith in the almighty, gratitude is the first step towards it. That wherever you’re , you’re meant to be.

It’s not that you’re not at all thankful, bas yeh ke, if 10 is the non-thankful area aur 0 represents gratitude toh you’re a 8. No one is at 0, but the goal is to reach there.

Being thankful to be alive, to have a family that loves you and won’t trade you for billions, to have felt the feelings all at once, and to have the privilege of a three time meal are just little-large privileges that are underappreciated. Be thankful and just show this to the closed ones, sometimes with words, mostly with actions, cuz as they say, words are just lies without actions. Be present for your parents, for your brother and for everyone who cares for you. They’re the one that are gonna love you forever and more, unconditionally. 🙂

P.S- ab theek hai? 😑

You!

People think

You want them

To do something

or say something special;

You Don’t !!!!

You just want them

To be themselves,

So that you can be

Yourself…..!

.

.

….share a smile folks 🙂 🌻

Chemical hearts.

16th January’2021-

Your taste in people will change when you learn to love yourself. Stop wondering if you are good enough for other people and start wondering if they are good enough for you.

There are all these moments when you think you won’t survive and you survive anyway.

Share a smile 🙂 🌻

Thank you.

Thank you
for being present during
all of the times I needed someone,
but was too afraid to ask.
Thank you for dropping your entire life
just to make sure I was ok.
Thank you for taking me under your wing
when I was too damaged to fly.
Thank you.
For being the best example of friendship.

#28thJan’2021

💙💙💙

It’s Been a while.

I don’t enjoy things the same way that I did before. Years ago, I thought I really enjoyed meeting and getting engaged within a crowd of people, and be sociable enough to try to get to know most of them; but it turned to be exhausting these days. Alike them, I have doubted myself—if I just became the one to kill such joy, or I was actually discovering a part of me I have been neglecting since then. Some of the persons I’ve known told me that I’ve changed; I’m wondering what would be their reaction once I say that this is the real me—I talk less, because it’s tiring; and I am saving my words for more pertinent ocassions and instances.

I am no coward for staying on my safest space; I am brave enough to protect my own peace.

—Ren Ednalig |